coloring outside the lines

Growth attenuation

NPR carried a news story this evening about a Seattle couple's decision to use hormones to supress the growth of their 9 year old daughter.  The daughter, Ashley, is severely disabled and cannot move or speak and is dependent on her family for care.  Fearing she would outgrow their ability to lift and carry her at some point, they have chosen with the support of her doctors to attenuate her growth.

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I have a friend with a daughter, who is now an adult, who faces similar challenges. The daughter needs to be carried, lifted into the car, assisted with toileting, bathing and all of the activities which sustain life. The mother, who is raising her alone, has her own share of health concerns now that she is 60. Her years of being the sole caretaker for her daughter have taken their toll.

I cannot find it in me to censure the parents, who are leading a life few of us could tolerate for a day.  The demands on their finances, their emotional well being and their physical health are enormous. They have made a difficult decision.  I think we need to respect them and honor their commitment to caring for Ashley at home.

The Student Who Wet Her Pants

This headline in our local paper caught my attention this morning:

School drops charges against student who wet her pants

Authorities are dropping a disorderly conduct charge against a 12-year-old special education student who they say deliberately wet her pants at school.

The above comes from an AP story originating in Danville, PA.  I make no claim to know any more about the story than what appears in the press.

The girls mother told the Press Enterprise of Bloomsburg that the girl urinated only because she was frightened by the principal.  Refuting this claim the school officials claim the girl has assaulted staff and uses urination as a weapon.

As the parent of a son who went through the Special Education system, I remember as if it was yesterday, why it was that I couldn't wait for my son to graduate.  In recent years our local school has criminalized more and more behaviors.  Although my son had no record of behavioral problems, during the last few years he spent in High School the threat of finding ourselves with legal problems became an ever increasing concern.

Who is right and who is wrong?  I have no idea.  Do I think calling in the police to solve the problem was a good idea? No I don't. Do I think any problem my son ever had would have been improved by adult authority coming down on him like a sledgehammer? No.

Our local high school in a town of 12,000 people, has a fence around it that makes the school yard look like a prison recreation yard.  One look at the fence and you know the authorities had all they could do not to put razor wire across the top.  You look at it and know they are itching to do it still.

We have also consolidated our schools and sold unused buildings to private owners.  The elementary school a block from my home was sold to an oil and gas exploration firm. I have watched as an ordinary and uninspiring building was converted to a building with architectural integrity and beauty.  It is now inspiring to look at.  As I pass this former school building each day I ask myself, if the community had built a school that was this inspiring to look at and work in would not each of the students have stretched themselves further everyday, would the teachers have come to work inspired to achieve more, and would the humanity of the building asked and expected more of each of us.  Would we have in some way been better people?

Leadership comes in many forms.  I think we are failing ourselves and our children in many ways.  It is easy to call the cops.  It  is much harder to reach within ourselves and expect the best, hope for the best and see the best in others.  To understand and work with the special needs of our children takes a certain combination of tough love and compassion.  Is there a 911 number for love and understanding?

Baby Birds

The nest, built in a dogwood tree just a few feet from our back door, is now populated by mother bird and her two baby birds.  I take it as a good omen and feel very protective of them.

Mother bird goes off to find worms and the little beaks stretch up and out of the nest, hoping for her return and food.  Sometimes they are just sleeping.  At night she sits on the nest and keeps them warm.